Why Doesn't Anybody Else Write These Things?

Did you guys know that Diablo III came out last month?  I've been playing quite a bit and its cut down on the amount of time I spend agonizing over my team.  Therefore, my number of moves has been severely curtailed in recent weeks.  Since I have 100% control over content of this blog, I have deemed this post to be Diablo themed.

DIABLO:  The Dark Side
I just keep knocking down challengers.  After some team tweaks, I've won 4 in a row and there is no stopping me from reaching the pinnacle of heaven and destroying the high heavens of this fantasy baseball league.

DECKARD CAIN, THE ELDER:  Team America
Nick is a washed up has been of fantasy baseball this year.  He does lead the weak division which means he can go on a roll in the playoffs and still win.  Much like Deckard Cain is able to woop some ass when necessary, he usually leaves the hard work for heros.

   
NEPHALEM:  Mr. D's Os
A relative upstart, Graham has never been a contender, but he enters this week with the second best record.  Like the Nephalem of Diablo III, he hopes to take down Diablo this week.  I wonder if your students were better at fantasy baseball than you, or that your success comes from losing their influence last week.

AZMODAN: El Deracho
The final playoff spot is held onto by Steve.  Like Azmodan, you have a real challenge when taking on his fantasy baseball team.  He (Steve) was the last one to defeat Diablo, Lord of Terror (Dark Side), just as in Diablo lore.  Azmodan is also really fat, but I don't think Steve is.

BELIAL: Tu-lowit To Quit

On the cusp of moving up to a playoff spot, Tim also poses a real challenge.  Belial is the first of the Demon Lords faced in Diablo 3.  Like Belial, you need to take care of Tim before you can be assured of a playoff spot.  I wonder if he can fix Jason Motte.  That dude is driving me crazy.

There is quite a large rift between the top tier of players and this next tier.  These guys need to go on a tear to have a chance of making the playoffs.  

  

LEAH:  LA NA

Tyler can't be bothered by fantasy baseball, he's got other things on his mind, much like Leah, who can't be bothered by her Uncle Deckard's ramblings about the coming evils.  Tyler will need to abandon Gameification in order to focus on this game, much like Leah needs to abandon her desires in order to take on the forces of evil after her uncle's passing.  Also, Tyler plays like a girl.

SCOUNDRAL: Just the Tip

Much like the Scoundral, Mike is always in search of profit.  Searching the country for information and treasures.  Sometimes he gets caught up in tight situations (Midway Airport) much like the Scoundral (sham courtship) in the search of these treasures.  The Scoundral is very lucky that the Nephalem can whisk him out of danger.  Unfortunately, I think Mike is still at Midway.

   

IZUAL:  Dick Cheeze

Izual used to be Tyrael's lieutenant.  He thought it would be wise to switch sides and fight for the forces of Evil.  Much like Mark, who thought he could come into his brother's league, kick ass and take names.  Unfortunately for him, he's been unable to compete in game or in trades.  He's given up Albert Pujols and Mark Texiera for Adam Dunn and Prince Fielders.  Doh!

IMPERIUS:  The Avengers
The ruler of heaven, Imperius is consistently defeated.  First by Tyrael  and then by Diablo.  You had to think he used to be good since he had such a high position, but it just doesn't show.  Chris suffers from the same syndrome.  He has to be good, after all, he won last year.  He's just not.

ROTTING LOG:  Uh Cano, I Wont Get You Vicodin
Simply so bad that you sometimes can't be bothered and tend to treat it like a bye week.  However, you really can't resist and smack it with your sword.  Sometimes money comes out, but usually its a trap that is barely a threat to you.  Matt, what gives?